Episode #36: The $50,000 Lesson: Why You Should Never Give Your Power Away

Hello, my friends, and welcome back to Design youn Dream Life podcast. My name is Kara. I am your host.

And today we are diving into something that I've honestly been a little hesitant to talk about for years, but I really feel like it's time. I really do. This episode is about never, ever giving your power away to somebody else. Not a guru, not a mentor, not a business coach, not to anyone.

And I am sharing this because I learned this lesson. I feel like the hardest way possible.

So go grab a cup of your favorite beverage, get comfortable, or if you're walking, you might want to turn this up. Because today we are going deep. We are going deep into this. We. Let me go back to my 20s. I was building my real estate empire.

I was hungry for success and so many ambitious young people. I was obsessed with personal development. And then I discovered the secret, you guys. I fell hard into that world.

Like, honestly, the law of Attraction, manifestation, vision boards. I was all. And I mean, through that rabbit hole, and it was a big one. I discovered James Arthur Ray.

Now, for those of you who do not know who that is, he was a self help guru who became huge after appearing on Oprah multiple times. He was teaching about wealth, consciousness and spiritual principles. And my husband and I, we were completely captivated, honestly.

We did not just attend his seminars. We actually became part of, like, his inner circle.

Now, I didn't pay the hundred K to be in his paid inner circle, but we spent at least $50,000 on his program. 50,000. And we were part of what he called his dream team. And so those were people who attended his seminars. And.

And then you got invited back as volunteers to help run the event. So we felt special. We felt chosen. We thought we were a part of something bigger than ourselves. And here's what I want you to understand.

This was not just about the money. We were giving away something far more valuable. We were giving away our power to think for ourselves.

You know when people say, you're drinking the Kool Aid? Friends, we were guzzling the Kool Aid for real. Like, guzzling it. But as we got deeper into this world, we spent more time behind the scenes.

I just started to notice some things, like just a bit of a disconnect. The way James acted when he was on stage versus his Persona when he was behind the scenes.

And the way he treated people when he thought no one was watching or. It was just small things at first, but they started adding up. And my intuition was screaming at me that something just wasn't right.

But you know what? I did. I totally ignored it. I told myself I was being negative.

I convinced myself that my doubts were just my limiting beliefs, and I was just getting in the way of my growth, because I really did. I really did look up to him as my mentor. And. And so I would just give him excuses for why he would be acting that way.

And this is what happens when you give your power away, my friends. You stop trusting yourself.

You start believing that someone else knows better than you do about your own life, your own intuition, your own inner wisdom. You are just giving that away to somebody else.

So my husband and I started pulling back because we started talking to some other friends who noticed the same things. And we couldn't quite put our finger exactly on what it was, but something felt off.

Our real estate empire was also collapsing at this time, my friends. We were under so much stress. We were dealing with massive challenges.

But even in the midst of our own chaos, something in our guts was telling us to step away. And then came 2009. James was hosting this event called Spiritual Warrior in Sedona.

It was, I think, at the time, around $10,000 a person to go to this event that included a sweat lodge ceremony. And so my husband and I had actually debated about going to this event, but something in me said no. Maybe it was my intuition.

Maybe it was because we couldn't afford it with everything falling apart in our business. But I just said I wasn't ready. And that decision honestly saved our lives in so many ways. But three people ended up dying in that sweat lodge.

Three beautiful souls. James Shore, Kirby Brown and Liz Newman. Eighteen others were hospitalized. People I knew from our community were in that lodge.

I even knew some of the people who passed. And James Arthur Ray was later convicted of, I think it was the ne negligent homicide and served two years in prison.

And I cannot tell you, the guilt, the shock, the absolute devastation I felt, these were real people. And it was also just the fact of somebody that you admired so much, somebody who you looked up to and taught you personal responsibility.

And all of this, and then watching how all of this unraveled was just. It shook my world, honestly, because this happened to people, good people seeking people like me and my husband, who just.

They had given their power away to somebody else who had, they thought had all of the answers for them. Now, I am not sharing this story to Bash personal development or spiritual growth or even James Ray himself. James is no longer with us anymore.

He passed. I think it was earlier this year, but I still believe deeply in both in Just spiritual and personal development.

I'm sharing this because I want you to understand something that could literally save your life. Your business, your relationships, your dreams. No one and no one has all the answers for your life except you. And I will tell you this.

I know if we were in that lodge, my husband would be one of the people who would have not have left. Because when you have somebody that you're following so greatly, say, you are not going to die.

You feel like you are going to die, but you are not going to die. And I get it. There's all of these circumstances. I'm not here to play out the court case of who's right and wrong.

All I'm saying is, is that I know back then my husband would have been the one to stay in that lodge. I probably would have chickened out and been like, dude, I can't.

But what happened is people turned off their own intuition because they were listening to somebody else say, you are stronger than this. You're. You can handle this. You are not going to die. And people ended up dying. So, again, remember, you have all of the answers. Not me.

Not any guru, not any mentor or coach or teacher. We can guide you. We can share our experiences. We can offer tools and frameworks.

But at the end of the day, my friend, you are the authority of your own life. And I love saying that to people.

I can give you all the wisdom that I have, but you need to check that with your internal thermometer and be like, hey, yay or nay? What feels good? Because your tuition is not something that you need to override. It is not a limiting belief to question.

It's your internal guidance system. And it has been perfectly calibrated just for you. And this doesn't just apply to extreme situations like the one that I. I just told you about.

This is in business all the time.

How many of you have been in a program or worked with a coach and they have told you that their way was the only way, and they made you feel like if their strategy didn't work for you, it was because you weren't doing it right or you weren't believing hard enough. And I see this constantly in the online business space.

People giving away their power to the latest marketing guru or the newest business strategy or the hottest trend, and they're following someone else's blueprint instead of trusting their own instincts about what feels right for them, their business, and their life. And here is what I have learned. Every successful business I've built, every major decision that worked out well.

In my life has come from trusting my own inner knowing, even when it was against conventional wisdom or what the experts were telling me to do. So when I was downsized from that corporate COO role, literally, on the Monday after I came back from a dream vacation to Europe, I had a choice.

I could scramble to find another corporate job, which is what everyone probably expected me to do. But something inside of me said, no, never again. I'm never working for anyone else again. But I trusted myself.

And every single time, that trust has paid off. So how do you know if you're giving your power away? Here are some red flags I want you to watch for.

You're finding yourself making decisions based on what someone else thinks you should do, rather than what feels right to you. And this is so easy, especially if there's somebody who has you think has it more figured out than you or they have figured out the key to success.

Because it's easy for you to gaslight yourself in being like, I don't have this thing. And they do. And I will tell you. Smoke and mirrors, friends.

So many people that you think have it all together from somebody who has been behind the scenes of so many people, a lot of them are falling apart very rarely. And that's one of the reasons why I decided to come out and talk. And because I am always a hundred percent transparent.

If something is hard or rough or broken, I embrace it. I share it. Right? And many people out there are only letting you see that perfect side of their business.

And then they're gaslighting you and making you feel guilty if it's not working for you, making it mean something about you. And here's the thing. Sometimes shit doesn't work. And sometimes it is a limiting belief. And you do have to go work on that.

And that is your responsibility. But you should not be carrying the guilt that there's something wrong with you because something isn't working.

Okay, let's get back to the signs that you're giving away your power. Another sign is you're ignoring your intuition because an expert told you it was wrong. Or it's just fear. That's a good one.

Another one is you feel like you have to follow someone else's exact blueprint or system, even when parts of it really don't resonate with you. Friends, I have been there. Please don't do that.

You're spending money you don't have on programs or coaching because somebody convinced you that investing in yourself means saying yes. Even when you want to say no.

You feel guilty or ashamed when you question an authority to ask for clarification, you notice that someone acts differently behind the scenes than they do in public, but you ignore it. You feel like you can't trust yourself to make good decisions without constant external validation.

Oh friends, my goal for you is that I can give you wisdom and lessons so that you can navigate your life based on my hardships or based on the cool things that I am sharing with you. But at the end of the day, my goal for my audience is that you are empowered and you can tap into yourself.

Because reclaiming your power is not a one time event. It's honestly a daily practice. It's leaning into trusting yourself again.

It's remembering that you have everything you need inside of you to make the right decisions for your life. So here is how you start.

First, you reconnect with your intuition, your gut feelings, your first instincts, your that little voice inside that starts start paying attention to it again. When something feels off, honor that feeling. When something feels right, trust that too. Second, question everything.

Just because someone is successful doesn't mean that their way is your way. Just because someone has a bigger platform or more followers doesn't mean that they know what's best for your life. Ask questions. Dig deeper.

Think critically. And third, take your time with decisions. Don't let anyone pressure you into making immediate choices about important things.

Real opportunities do not disappear because you need time to think. And anyone who is trying to rush you into a decision is probably not someone you want to work with anyways. Fourth, diversify your input.

Don't get all of your advice from one source. Read different perspectives. Talk to different people. Expose yourself to different ways of thinking.

When you only listen to one voice, you're setting yourself up to give your power away to that one person. And finally, remember that making mistakes while trusting yourself is always better than making mistakes while following someone else.

When you trust yourself and things don't work out, you learn. You grow. When you follow someone else and the things don't work out, you just feel stupid and powerless.

So I want to tell you something that might sound radical. In a world that is obsessed with gurus and experts, your intuition is more reliable than anyone else's advice.

Your inner knowing has been with you your entire life. It knows your values. It knows your strengths. It knows your dreams, your fears, your history, your context.

No external expert has access to all of that information. That doesn't mean that you can't learn from others.

That doesn't mean that you shouldn't seek guidance or mentorship but it means that every piece of advice that you receive should be filtered through your own wisdom, your own values, and your own intuition. I have spent hundreds of thousands of dollars on personal development over the years. And the most valuable lesson that I have learned is is this.

The teacher you're looking for is already inside of you. I'm going to say that one more time. The teacher you're looking for is already inside of you.

In your business, this means trusting yourself to know what marketing feels authentic to you. It means trusting yourself to know what pricing feels right for you.

It means trusting yourself to know which opportunities to say yes and which to pass on. It means not to follow every new strategy or trend because someone else says it works.

It means not investing in every program just because you're afraid of missing out. And it means not changing your entire business model just because someone else's success story made you doubt your own path.

Your business should be an extension of who you are, not a copy of who someone else is. And here is what I want you to know. When you stop giving your power away, when you start trusting yourself, something magical happens.

You stop looking for someone else to save you. You stop waiting for permission. You stop needing external validation for every decision. You become your own guru. You become your own authority.

You become the person you've been looking for. And from that place of self trust and personal power, you can create anything, my friend. You can build the business of your dreams.

You can design the life that you actually want. You can make decisions from a place of confidence instead of fear. But it starts with taking your power back. So here's what I want you to do.

I want you to make a promise to yourself right now. Promise that you will never again give your power to anyone. Promise that you will trust your own wisdom.

Promise that you will question everything and think for yourself. Promise that when something doesn't feel right, you will honor that feeling even if everyone else thinks you're wrong.

Promise that when you have a gut instinct about something, you'll listen to it, even if you cannot logically explain why. And also promise that you will seek guidance and input from different perspectives, but that final decision will always be yours.

And that you remember that you are the expert of your own life. This is not about being closed minded or thinking that you know everything.

This is about remembering that you are powerful, you are wise, and you are absolutely capable of creating the life and business you want. All right, friends, I know this episode was a little heavy, was not my intention. I actually wanted to sit down and Do a light and bright one.

But this just came to me, and I felt like it was time to share it. And I know that it might bring up some stuff for you, and that's okay. Sometimes we need to look at the hard stuff in order to grow.

If you are currently in a situation where you feel like you're giving away your power, whether it's a coach, a mentor, a business partner, a romantic relationship, whatever, Start small. Start by honoring one small instinct. Start by asking one question. Start by taking one decision back into your own hands.

You do not have to blow up your entire life overnight. But you can start trusting yourself again. And remember, taking your power back doesn't mean that you have to do everything alone.

It just means that you get to decide who you invite into your journey and how much influence you're going to give them. You are so much more powerful than you realize, my friends. You have so much wisdom inside of you.

You are absolutely capable of creating a life and business that you desire. But it starts with believing in yourself and yourself enough to trust your own voice. So trust yourself, friends. Trust your instincts.

Trust your wisdom. Trust your power. You have got this. You've always had this. And no one, absolutely no one gets to take that away from you. All right?

That's what I've got for you today, my friends. If this episode resonated with you, I would love to hear about it. You can send me a message on Instagram, Coach Kara Sharon.

You can share it with somebody who needs to hear it. That would be amazing. Or you could leave a review. Your voice matters. I definitely want to hear it.

Until next time, keep designing that dream life of yours. And remember, you are the architect. No one else gets to hold the blueprints, my friends. I'll talk to you next week.