The prevailing theme of this podcast episode revolves around the pervasive sensation of inadequacy that many entrepreneurs experience when they perceive others achieving success. We explore the notion that such feelings are both commonplace and misleading, as they often arise from an unfounded comparison of one's struggles to others' successes. I delineate how this comparison can lead to detrimental mindsets, wherein we view the triumphs of others not as motivation but as evidence of our own failures. By reframing our perspective to recognize that the apparent success of others can serve as a beacon of possibility rather than a benchmark of our shortcomings, we can cultivate a healthier approach to our entrepreneurial journeys. Ultimately, we emphasize the importance of defining personal success on one's own terms and celebrating the incremental progress that accompanies the pursuit of our dreams.
The podcast episode delves into the pervasive issue of comparison among entrepreneurs, particularly in the context of the digital age where social media serves as a constant reminder of others' successes. I emphasize the importance of recognizing that what is often perceived is merely a highlight reel, contrasting with the authentic struggles that accompany the entrepreneurial journey. We explore the emotional turmoil that arises when one feels stagnant while observing peers achieving significant milestones. The discussion pivots to the notion that feelings of inadequacy are a universal experience, and I advocate for reframing such perceptions. Rather than viewing others' accomplishments as evidence of personal failure, I suggest interpreting them as a source of inspiration and motivation, thereby transforming envy into a catalyst for growth. The episode culminates in practical strategies aimed at fostering a healthier perspective on success, encouraging listeners to focus on their unique definitions of achievement and to celebrate personal milestones, no matter how small. This approach not only promotes mental well-being but also enhances productivity and satisfaction in one’s entrepreneurial pursuits.
Takeaways:
In this episode, we discuss the common struggle of feeling behind in business while observing others' apparent success, emphasizing that this sentiment is both normal and misleading.
We must recognize that our comparison of our struggles to others' successes is like contrasting our rough drafts with their finished works, which is inherently unfair.
Success is subjective; we should define our own version of success rather than allowing external narratives to dictate our self-worth and progress.
Celebrating small wins and behind-the-scenes accomplishments is essential, as they form the foundation for future success and sustainable growth in our entrepreneurial journey.
Link notes: https://cart.kreativedigitalmediainc.com/ai-work-week-slayer/
TRANSCRIPT:
Hello, my friends, and welcome back to another episode of Design your dream life podcast. I am your host, Kara, and I am so glad you are here with me today.
But before we dive in, I want you to know that if you are listening to this episode, you are exactly where you need to be right now. And I'm going to tell you why in just a minute. So let's talk about something that I know is happening to so many of you right now.
You are scrolling through social media, you're in your business groups, you're talking to other entrepreneurs, and it feels like everyone else is absolutely crushing it. While you are sitting there wondering what the hell is wrong with you, or maybe everyone else is losing and you're joining in on that party.
Either way, this episode is going to be awesome for you.
You see the launch announcements, the revenue screenshots, the I just hit six figures post, or I just made $7 million, the vacation photos from exotic locations, and meanwhile you're over here struggling to get consistent revenue. Or maybe you haven't even launched the thing that you really have been wanting to for months now. And I want to tell you something.
This feeling is totally normal. It's human, and it's also complete bullshit. I want to explain, so let me explain. First of all, let's get real about what you're actually seeing.
When you think everyone else is winning. You are comparing your behind the scenes struggles with everyone else's highlight reel.
And that is like comparing your rough draft to someone else's published book. Okay? And also, this works both ways.
If you see all these people or if you're in a group or a mastermind, and I have been there where everybody's losing and you jump on that bandwagon, it's the same thing, right? Because like attracts like.
So even though we're talking about right now how everyone else is winning and you don't feel like you are, if you are in a group of people where everyone is losing and you're joining that gravy train.
I'm also suggesting that you listen up, my friends, because the same type of mindset rewiring happens whether everyone else is losing and you're joining in that victim mentality, or if everyone is winning and you're not, because that's also a victim type mentality. So I remember a few years ago I was going through, and actually it was more than a few years ago, I was going to say it was, it was.
It was over five years ago. I was going through one of the hardest seasons in my business.
I had just been laid off from being a CEO and I was trying to figure out what the hell I was going to do next. And everywhere I looked, other entrepreneurs seemed to be absolutely crushing it.
I'd see posts about massive launches, people buying their dream homes, entrepreneurs retiring their spouses, and I am sitting in my kitchen wondering, how am I going to pay for this upgraded life that we just upgraded to? And also trying to invest in the mastermind that I knew I needed, but I had no idea how I was going to afford. And you know what I learned?
Half of those people who look like they were winning were actually struggling, too.
And I will tell you this, you guys, I have been in some huge rooms and it would chomp you shock you how many people that are posting these big revenues are falling apart behind the scenes that have no profit, that are in so much scarcity. Actually, some of them are even using fake revenue screenshots. That's actually a thing.
So it's so hard to try and find people that aren't truthfully living what they're preaching. And that's why I believe in complete transparency, right? Because there's so much smoke and mirrors in this industry and a lot of other industries.
And I always commit to telling you the truth, whether it be good, bad or ugly. It is one of my core beliefs, you guys.
I am so sick and tired of these people pretending to have these pretty perfect businesses and these lives, and behind the scenes, they're absolutely falling apart.
I will be the first person to tell you if I'm going through a hard situation, if something isn't working, or if I feel like the world is falling apart, I will not sugarcoat it. But at the same time, I don't talk about things until after I'm through them. And so.
But I will always say if I'm going through a season, you know that I'm going through a season. And then when I'm done that season, I will share it with you.
I think being authentic and being real is so important, but so many other people out there, they are not doing that. They are leveraging themselves to hit and maintain a certain image. And many of them were just as confused and scared as I was.
So they are just better at hiding it. And I am such a raw, authentic human. It's so funny because I do not have a poker face. But here's what really shifted everything for me.
I stopped looking at their success as evidence that I was failing, and I started looking at it as evidence of success that was possible. So let me Say that again. Their success becomes evidence that success was possible for me too. And I will say this.
It's really hard as I've become more successful and there's been certain people in my life who have dropped off or whatever and they're jealous of my success.
And I feel sad for them because honestly, like, I have friends who are way richer than me and I love seeing them win because I'm like, I know I can do it too. I honestly do.
And I think that when you can shift into that and when you start looking at people's success as a motivation as opposed to internalizing it and making it mean something about you, that's when you really start to win. Honestly, that is when you start to win. Because when you are comparing yourselves to other, you are literally giving away your own power, right?
You're taking your focus off your own path and putting it on everyone else's journey. And here's the thing. You have no idea what their actual journey looks like. You do not know how long they have been working at this.
You have no idea what advantages they have. They could have had huge advantages. You do not know. You don't know what they've sacrificed.
You don't know what their version of success actually costs them.
I had a client who was beating herself up because another entrepreneur in her space was launching every month and seemed to be making bank every single month. And this client, she felt like she was moving too slowly. She was like ambitious, but she just was questioning like she didn't have what it takes.
Well, she come come to find out this entrepreneur was launching consistently because she had to. Not because she had systems, not because she had recurring revenue. No foundation is because she was in constant hustle mode.
Because if she stopped, her business would collapse. Six months later, guess who's still in business and actually more profitable? My client. Not the other entrepreneur.
She's burned out and had to take a six month break from her business entirely. You do not want to build stuff like that, right? But on the outside it looked so perfect.
So now let's talk about why you might be feeling stuck and why everyone else seems to be moving forward. Because I promise you, there is nothing wrong with you. Maybe you're stalling because you're actually being smart.
Maybe you're taking time to build a foundation instead of throwing spaghetti at the wall. Maybe you are being strategic instead of just being busy. Or maybe you're stalling because you're scared. And you know what? That's okay.
Fear is not the enemy. Fear is information. Fear tells you that you care about something, right? Fear tells you that what you are about to do matters to you.
I was scared as hell when I started my business. I was scared when I invested in my first mastermind. I was scared when I raised prices.
I was scared when I decided to go all in on this freedom first business model instead of just playing it safe. But here's what I learned. The difference between successful people and unsuccessful people isn't that successful people are scared.
It's that successful people feel the fear and they do it anyways. You know what nobody tells you about building a business? It's not linear.
It's not like climbing a ladder where each step gets you obviously closer to the top, right? It's more like building a foundation underground for months before you see anything above ground. And I want you to think about bamboo.
I love the bamboo story. I won't tell you the bamboo story, but I'm going to tell you about the bamboo plant.
For the first four years, you water it and care for it and it looks like absolutely nothing is happening. Then in year five, it grows 90ft in six weeks. That growth that happened in the first four years wasn't visible, but it was essential, right?
It's like that hockey stick approach to growth, right? Your business might be in the bamboo phase right now.
All that work you're doing, all the skills you're developing, all the connections you're making, all the mindset work you've been doing, it's all building the foundation for your breakthrough. You know, I was just thinking about Amy, my very first client who I met on a ferry in Toronto.
And when I first started working with her, she was doing about 500k a year and she was absolutely miserable. She hated her business, she was working all the time. She felt like she was drowning in her day to day. And you know what? I felt like I was behind too.
Here I was just starting out as a consultant. Never have done that before. I was always an employee, right? And I was working with someone who was already making a half a million dollars a year.
And I kept thinking, who am I to help her? I mean, she's already more successful than I've ever been. But here's the thing. Success isn't just about the numbers.
Amy had the revenue, but she didn't have the freedom, she didn't have the systems. And she sure as hell did not have the business growth strategy, right? And that's exactly what I could help her with.
And within that first year of working together, we took her from 500k to 2,2 million in revenue with 1.1 million in profit. And I always share the profit because so many people will tell you the revenue without the profit. And yeah, that's what makes this huge.
But more importantly, she got her life back. She started loving her business again and she created the freedom she had always wanted. And I realized I wasn't behind at all.
I was exactly where I needed to be with exactly the skills and perspectives that she needed at exactly the right time. If I had tried to help her scale without first understanding what sustainable freedom focused growth look like, it would have been a disaster.
So how do you shift out of this comparison trap and start focusing on your own success? Well, here's some advice that has worked for me as well as some of my clients. First, get clear on your own definition of success.
Stop letting other people's highlight reels define what winning looks like for you. Because maybe, maybe success for you right now is hitting consistent 10k months instead of those feast or famine cycles.
Maybe it's finally launching that high ticket program you've all you've been perfecting forever. Or Maybe it's working 30 hours a week instead of 60 while maintaining your current revenue.
Maybe it's building a team so you can step out of the day to day operation. Success is personal. Success is not a one size fits all.
And success for you in this season might look completely different from success from someone else who is in their own season. Secondly, I want you to celebrate your behind the scene wins. Did you have a breakthrough in therapy? That's a win.
Did you finally set a boundary with a difficult client? That's a win. Did you show up even when you didn't feel like it? That is a win, my friend. The inner work is just as important as the outer result.
Actually, it is more important because the inner works create the foundation for sustainable outer results. And third, remember that everyone is in their own timeline. Some people hit their stride in their 20s, others don't find their calling till their 50s.
Some businesses take off in a year, other businesses take five years to really gain momentum. There is no expiration date on your dreams. There is no timeline that you have to follow. You get to go at your own pace and honor your own process.
Okay, let me tell you about some of the stories we tell ourselves when we think we're behind. Because I bet you you're telling yourself some type of version of these. Number one, I should have pivoted sooner. Okay, but you didn't.
You stayed in that business model that was Draining you. Because maybe you needed to learn exactly what you didn't want before you could get clear on what you do.
And maybe you needed to hit that wall to finally give yourself permission to do things differently. Number two, everyone else figured out scaling before I did. Really?
Or did they just get louder about their wins while staying quiet about their struggles? All that is so good. I'm going to say that one more time. Or did they just get louder about their wins while staying quiet about their struggles?
So good. The entrepreneurs who have figured it all out, half of them are drowning behind the scenes. So you're not behind.
You're being strategic about building something sustainable. And number three, I wasted too much time on the wrong business model. You didn't waste time. You gained clarity.
Every failed launch taught you something. Every client who wasn't the right fit showed you who you actually wanted to work with.
Every strategy that didn't work eliminated an option and got you closer to what will work. And number four, I missed the boat on insert your trend here. Any trend you would like. Listen, there is no boat to miss.
There are new opportunities being created every single day. The online space is constantly evolving. What looks like a missed opportunity today may have been a bullet dodged.
Your timing might be absolutely perfect for what's coming up next for you. All right, sometimes when everyone else seems to be winning and you're not, the temptation is to just give up.
To decide that maybe this entrepreneur thing isn't for you to go back to playing it safe. And you know what? Maybe that is the right choice for some people.
But if you're listening to this podcast, I don't think that that is the right choice for you. I think you're here because you are meant for something more. You know, you have something valuable to offer to the world.
So here's what I want you to do instead of giving up. All right, here's just some practical things that we can test. Get off social media for a week. Seriously. And I get it.
If you have to post, only do it on your computer. Like take it off your phone. Do not scroll. Like, give yourself a little bit of a break.
What you could do is even batch some content for a week, get that posted, and then take a break. Because you need to stop consuming everyone else's highlight reel and start focusing on your own life.
Next, write down three things you have accomplished in the last six months that you are so proud of. And they don't have to be business accomplishments. Like, I honestly used to get so confused with this. Like I would Always think in business.
But it doesn't have to be business, right? They can be personal growth, it can be relationships, health, anything.
Just remind yourself that you are making progress even if it doesn't look like what you see online. And then the next thing is connect with your business bestie man. I know I have mine. I love her to death. We talk daily, multiple times daily.
And oh if you don't have one, start joining groups of other like minded women who you can make connections with because those, my friends, are so crucial.
You need someone who gets the entrepreneurial journey, like honestly, who knows what it's like, who understands the ups and downs and who can remind you how far you've come when you can't see it for yourself.
I can't tell you the amount of times my business besties and I are like really just each other's own cheerleaders and help turn a corner when the other one just feels like they're being left behind. And then the last thing is recommit to your why? Why did you start this business in the first place? What dream were you chasing?
What life were you trying to create? Reconnect with that vision and let it fuel you forward. Now here's something I want you to consider.
What if your current stall isn't a sign that you're failing, but what if it's actually setting you up for your biggest breakthrough ever?
I think about my own journey and every single time I felt like I was behind, every time I felt like I was stalling, I was actually preparing me for the next level. When I got laid off from my COO position, I thought, can I really make it on my own?
But that layoff led me to meet Amy, which led me to build the business I have today. When I was struggling to figure out my business model, I thought I was failing.
But the struggle taught me what I actually wanted to create, which became the foundation for everything I do now. When I was investing in masterminds I couldn't afford and wondering if I was making a huge mistake, I thought I was being reckless.
But those investments taught me so skills and connected me with people who have honestly changed the trajectory of my business completely. Your stall might be your setup, your struggle might be your strength in disguise.
And your season of feeling behind might be exactly what you need to be ready for what is coming next, my friend. Okay, so let's get practical.
If you if you're stuck in comparison mode and feeling like everyone else is winning and you're not, here's what you can do. Right now to shift your energy.
And this goes for either if you're not winning and everyone else is, or if everyone else is losing and you're jumping on that bandwagon. All right, number one, I want you to audit your input. So I want to know, who are you following on social media? What podcasts are you listening to?
What groups are you in? If any of those outputs are making you feel worse about yourself instead of better, it's time to unfollow, unsubscribe, or leave.
I have honestly left a mastermind for this because everyone went into victim mentality, and the leader of the mastermind was just, like, giving them room to. And I'm like, oh, my God. And you can see it spread like wildfire. You know what I mean?
Instead of stopping that, you know, and stop eating that mentality. And yes, there is a place to vent, and I'm not saying not to feel your feelings, but there's also a way to shift out of it and step into your power.
Right? And that's what we're trying to do right now. Number two, I want you to create your own definition of success.
Write down what success means to you in this season. Not what it means to other people, not what you think it should mean, but what it actually means to you right now in this season of your life.
And number three, focus on your next right step. Don't worry about the master plan. Don't worry about where everyone else is. Just focus on the next step for you.
What's one thing that you can do today to move your business or your life forward? And number four, celebrate your progress. Start a weekly practice of writing down three wins from the week.
They can be big or small, business or personal. Just start acknowledging that you are making progress, even when it doesn't feel like it. And number five, connect with your people.
Reach out to someone who believes in you. Share what you're going through. Ask for support. You do not have to do this alone.
I want to end today's episode by giving you some permission, permission to that you might not even realize that you need, but maybe your unconscious mind does. You have permission to go at your own pace. You have permission to define success for yourself.
You have permission to take longer than everyone else if that's what you need. You have permission to be a beginner. You have a permission to not have it all figured out.
And you have permission to make mistakes and learn as you go. You have permission to stop comparing yourself to others. You have permission to focus on your own journey.
You have permission to believe that your timing is coming. And most importantly, you have permission to keep going even when it feels hard. Even when everyone else seems to be ahead of you.
Even when you can't see the finish line. Your dreams are not too big. You are not too late. You are not behind. You are exactly where you need to be, learning exactly what you need to learn.
Becoming exactly who you need to become to handle the success that is coming your way, my friend. So here's what I want you to do. After you finish listening to this episode, I want you to take one action.
Just one that moves you forward in your business or your life. It doesn't have to be big. It doesn't have to be perfect. It just has to be forward movement.
Maybe it's finally writing that sales page you've been avoiding. Maybe it's reaching out to a potential client. Maybe it's just opening up your laptop and working on your business for 30 minutes.
Whatever it is, do it. Because action is the antidote to comparison.
When you're taking action on your own dreams, you don't have to worry about everyone else and what they are doing. And remember, every successful entrepreneur you admire was once right where you are right now. They were wondering if they had what it takes.
They were once comparing themselves to others and feeling behind. They were once scared and uncertain and questioning everything. The difference between them and people who give up is that they kept going.
They kept taking the right next steps. They kept believing in themselves, even when evidence wasn't there yet. And you can too. You can do this. You were made for this. Your time is coming.
Thanks for listening to Design your Dream Life, my friends. And I hope that this episode resonated with you. Please share it.
If it did, please share it with one of your business besties or just anyone you think that might need to hear this message today. And remember, you get to design a life and business that works for you and not against you. I'll see you on the next episode. Friends, you got this.