Episode: # 19 The Invisibility Tax: What Staying Hidden is Really Costing You

The concept of the "invisibility tax" is profoundly elucidated in our latest discourse, wherein we examine the substantial costs associated with remaining hidden in both personal and professional spheres. I delve into my own experiences, revealing how my prolonged anonymity in the corporate realm not only stifled my potential for financial gain but also engendered a sense of emotional emptiness and unfulfilled purpose. We collectively explore the myriad dimensions of this tax, encompassing financial, emotional, relational, and legacy implications, ultimately challenging the listener to confront their own patterns of invisibility and the resultant repercussions. This episode serves as an earnest invitation to assess the true costs of playing small and to embark on a journey toward authentic visibility that aligns with one's genuine self. As we conclude, I encourage each listener to take a singular, deliberate action toward visibility this week, thereby initiating a transformative process of self-expression and impact.

The discussion centers around the concept of the 'invisibility tax,' a term that encapsulates the myriad costs associated with remaining hidden in both personal and professional spheres. I recount my own journey, having spent years in the background as a Chief Operating Officer, where I facilitated the success of others while suppressing my own potential. This self-imposed limitation not only capped my financial earnings but also stifled my emotional and spiritual fulfillment. The episode elucidates how individuals may inadvertently surrender their unique contributions and personal satisfaction in the pursuit of perceived safety. The narrative encourages listeners to introspectively calculate their own invisibility tax by assessing the financial, emotional, relational, and legacy costs of their silence and invisibility.

Throughout the episode, I emphasize the profound importance of recognizing and confronting the factors that compel individuals to remain hidden. The societal pressures, particularly for women, that discourage visibility and assertiveness are examined in depth. I share personal anecdotes, such as moments where my hesitance to voice my ideas led to missed opportunities for recognition and influence. By illustrating the emotional toll of living in the shadows, I seek to motivate listeners to embrace their visibility gradually. The core message is clear: the risk of visibility pales in comparison to the cost of unfulfilled potential and missed connections. Ultimately, I present actionable steps for listeners to begin their journey towards authenticity, emphasizing that visibility is not a monolithic experience, but a spectrum that can be navigated at one's own pace, aligned with personal values and aspirations.

Takeaways:

• The concept of the invisibility tax refers to the cumulative costs of remaining hidden, encompassing financial, emotional, relational, and spiritual dimensions.

• We often pay the invisibility tax due to the illusion of safety, which leads to missed opportunities for fulfillment and connection.

• Authentic visibility is distinguished from performative visibility; the former arises from self-expression and service, while the latter seeks external validation.

• Engaging in small acts of visibility can enhance one's confidence and gradually reduce the discomfort associated with being seen.

• Calculating the costs associated with keeping one's gifts hidden can reveal significant losses in income, time, energy, and personal fulfillment.

• Taking intentional steps toward visibility can liberate individuals from the constraints of their perceived limitations and allow for authentic self-expression.

Links referenced in this episode:

• designyourdreamlifetoday.com

• hello@designyourdreamlifetoday.com

TRANSCRIPT:
Hey there, I'm Cara and welcome to Design your Dream Life podcast where we dive in and explore how you can use practical personal development to up level your life.

Whether you are looking to have better or deeper relationships, fix your problems with money, learn to love yourself unconditionally, leave a dead end or high stress career, or just want more happiness in your life, my friend, you are in the right place. Are you ready? Hello my friends and welcome to another episode of Design your Dream Life podcast.

I am your host, Kara, and today we're diving into something that I like to call the invisibility tax. What staying hidden is really costing you in your life, your business and your dreams. You know, for years I was the person behind the scenes.

I was the strategic brain, I was the COO making other people's business succeed. I was the strategist helping others shine while I stayed comfortable, comfortable in the shadows.

And while I was good at what I did, really good, there was always this voice inside me saying that there was more that I had gifts to share directly, not just through someone else's vision. What I didn't realize then was that I was paying a massive tax, an invisibility tax.

I was giving up income and impact and most importantly, fulfillment, all for the perceived safety of staying hidden.

And today, I want to help you understand what your own visibility might be costing you, why you might be choosing to stay hidden, and most importantly, how to step into your greater visibility in a way that feels authentic to you. Because this isn't about becoming an influencer or being famous. It's about letting your genuine gifts be seen by the people who need them.

So whether you're hiding your expertise, your voice, your opinions, or even your dreams, this episode is your invitation to calculate the real cost of that decision and choose differently. So let's dive in. So what exactly is the invisibility tax? Well, I'm talking about it.

Think of it as the cumulative cost, financial, emotional, relational and spiritual, of playing small and hiding your gifts from the world. When I was working as a coo, I was making good money, but I was capping my income potential.

Now that I've stepped out and created my own brand, I've been able to multiply my income several times over. That's a different financial tax I was paying for staying invisible. But the tax goes just beyond money. There's an emotional tax.

That nagging feeling of, is this all there is the sense that you're living someone else's dream instead of your own. That was definitely true for me.

Even Though I was successful by conventional standards, there was all of this hollowness because I wasn't fully expressing my own vision. There's also what I like to call the relationship tax.

When you're not fully showing up as yourself, your relationship may suffer, it may not suffer, but it could. They lack depth because people are connecting with your role or your Persona and not the real you.

I remember after I left my COO position, some colleagues reached out and said they felt like they were finally getting to know or see the real me again. And finally, there's the legacy tax. What impact are you not making by hiding your gifts?

What problems aren't getting solved because you're not bringing your unique perspective to them?

This one really hit me when I started getting messages from podcast listeners saying how something I shared changed their perspective or gave them courage to make a change. Those ripple effects simply weren't possible when I was behind the scenes. I'll never forget the day it really hit me.

I was in a strategy meeting for a company where I was coo. I had this brilliant idea for a new direction that I knew would work, but I hesitated to speak up, thought, who am I to suggest this?

Even though I was literally the coo.

When I finally did share it after someone else suggested something similar, the CEO loved it, but the credit went elsewhere because I had hesitated to claim my own brilliance. That moment was a wake up call.

I realized how automatic my hiding had become and how much it was costing not just me, but everyone who could have benefited from my ideas sooner. The truth is, for every day you stay hidden, you're paying this tax.

And unlike actual taxes, you don't get public services or infrastructure for them in return. You're just losing out. Losing on opportunity, losing on connection, losing the chance to make your unique impact on the world.

Well, let's get specific about your own invisibility tax. I want you to grab a journal or a pen, piece of paper if you can. Or if you need to just mentally note your answers to the questions first.

Where are you currently hiding? Think about your career. Are you not speaking up in meetings? Not asking for the promotion you know you deserve in your business?

Are you hiding behind your brand? Not showing your face? Not sharing your story in your personal life? Are you downplaying your achievements? Hiding your talents from friends and family?

What about your dreams? Are you keeping your biggest goals a secret because you're afraid of failure? Or worse, judgment?

Now let's calculate what this is costing you financially. Think about what opportunities you've missed by not being More visible.

Maybe it's clients you haven't attracted, raises you haven't asked for, or opportunities you've passed up. Put an actual dollar amount on this if you can.

For me, when I calculated this after leaving my COO position, I realized I had been leaving at least $150,000 on the table annually by not building my own business sooner. That's not small change. Next, I want you to calculate the time cost. How many years have you spent not fully expressing your gifts?

For me, it was about five years where I knew I wanted something more, but stayed in my more comfortable, invisible rule. Then there's the energy cost. How much mental and emotional energy are you spending maintaining your invisibility?

The self censoring, the second guessing, the rationalizing, it's exhausting. Rate this from 1 to 10, with 10 being completely, energetically drained by hiding.

Finally, and this might be the hardest to quantify, what's the fulfillment cost? On a scale of 1 to 10, how fulfilled do you feel right now? Imagine yourself fully expressed, fully visible in the ways that matter to you.

What number would that be? The gap between those numbers is part of your invisibility tax. When I did this exercise myself, the numbers were staggering.

I was paying hundreds of thousands in potential income, 5 years of my career, a 7 out of 10 on energy drain, and at least a 4 point gap in fulfillment. All for the illusion of safety, of staying hidden. What about you? What's your total invisibility tax? Take a moment to really sit with these numbers.

They matter because this is what staying hidden is actually costing you. So if the cost is too high, why do we choose to stay invisible? What makes us willing to pay this tax? For most of us, it comes down to one thing.

The illusion of safety. We believe that if we don't put ourselves out there, we can't get rejected, criticized or fail publicly. And there is some truth to that.

You can't get negative comments on a post you never make or get rejected from an opportunity you never apply for.

But this safety is an illusion because while you're avoiding the potential pain of visibility, you're guaranteeing the pain of unfulfillment and limitation. Our hiding patterns often start early. Maybe you shared an idea as a child and were shot down or laughed at.

Maybe you were taught that it's not polite to stand out, or that humility means making yourself small. For women especially, there are so many cultural messages about being too much or too loud, too ambitious, too opinionated.

I remember when I first started sharing my own knowledge publicly I posted a marketing tip on social media that I thought was pretty basic, something that I had been teaching clients for years.

Someone commented that I was wrong and I didn't know what I was talking about, and even though I had data and experience to back my point up, that comment stung. It triggered all my insecurities about being visible. But here's what I realized. That person's comment said more about them than about me.

And for every critic, there were dozens of people who found value in what I shared. Had I let that one negative voice keep me invisible, all of those people would have missed out on something helpful.

The paradox is that what feels safe in the moment, staying hidden is actually the riskiest choice in the long run. Because while you're avoiding the temporary discomfort of being seen, you're guaranteeing the permanent regret of not having lived to your potential.

So ask yourself, is the perceived safety of invisibility worth the very real tax you are paying? Is avoiding judgment worth giving up your dreams, your impact, and your fulfillment?

Now, before you panic, becoming more visible doesn't mean that you need to become an extrovert overnight or start dancing on TikTok. I mean, unless you want to Visibility isn't one size fits all.

It's about being strategically visible to the right people in the right context in a way that feels authentic to you. Think of invisibility as a ladder that you climb one step at a time, not an all or nothing leap. The first step might be one on one visibility.

This could be sharing your ideas directly with a colleague or a mentor. Or it might mean reaching out to somebody you admire for a virtual coffee. These small acts of visibility build your confidence muscle.

For me, this looked like starting to speak up more in the company meetings and sharing my expertise directly with clients instead of always letting my boss take the lead. The Next Step the next step might be group visibility.

This might be speaking up in a team meeting, leading a workshop, or joining a mastermind where you share goals and challenges. The stakes feel a bit higher, but the environment is still completely controlled.

When I was transitioning to coo, I joined a business mastermind where I had to verbalize my dreams and goals in the group. It honestly up leveled my game just saying them out loud though. I was completely terrified.

But that small act of visibility made my dreams feel more real and attainable and at the end of the day I achieved more. As you get comfortable, you can move to larger audience visibility.

This might mean publishing content, speaking at events, or building a personal brand.

Each step builds on the last gradually Expanding your comfort zone Now I want to acknowledge that becoming more visible will bring up fear and all the things, and that's completely normal and natural. The goal isn't to eliminate fear, but to learn to take action alongside it, to feel the fear and do it anyways.

The one tool that helps me manage visibility fear is what I call the Growth Zone Checklist. When I'm faced with an opportunity to be more visible, I ask myself, is this aligned with my values and goals?

Is this fear I'm feeling about growth, not actual danger? Will I regret not doing this a year from now? If the answer is yes, I know that I need to move forward despite the fear.

The discomfort is temporary, but the growth is permanent. There's an important distinction I want to make between authentic visibility and performative visibility.

Authentic visibility comes from a place of service, contribution and self expression. Performative visibility is about an external validation, fitting in, or following formulas.

When I first started being more visible in my business, I tried to clone a little bit of what other people were doing. I let them lead the way. I used similar language or marketing strategies or formatting and it felt horrible. It was so inauthentic and draining.

And it wasn't until I gave myself permission to do things my own way that visibility started feeling energizing rather than depleting. For me to show up as me. That's it. Just who I am. So how do you find your authentic style of visibility?

We'll start by asking what feels energizing to you? What medium of expression feels natural? Some people love writing, others prefer speaking.

Some are comfortable on videos, others connect better one on one.

For me, I realized I love having deep conversations, which is why podcasting feels just so natural for me, because I can share my ideas and go deep, which for me suits my personality. It's also important to set boundaries with your visibility. You get to decide what parts of yourself and your life you share and what remains.

Private Visibility doesn't mean transparency about everything. In my own journey, I've chosen to be very open about my professional experience and lessons and I also share some about my family.

But there are certain aspects I keep private. These boundaries help my visibility feel sustainable rather than exposing. Create a visibility practice that feels manageable.

Maybe that's sharing one social media post a week, speaking up in one meeting, or reaching out to one new connection. Consistency is what really matters more than volume. Finally, anchor your visibility in service. Ask yourself, how does my being visible serve others?

When I focus on how my experiences and my insights might help someone else, it takes the focus off me and my own insecurities and puts it on the value I can provide. This shift in perspective has been a game changer for me.

On the days when I feel resistant to recording a podcast episode or showing up online, I remind myself of the messages I receive from listeners or other people who have said that an episode gave them hope or clarity. That purpose pushes me past the part of discomfort of visibility. So as we wrap up today, I want to leave you with this thought.

The world needs your voice, your ideas, your unique perspective staying hidden. You're not just taxing yourself, you're depriving others of the gifts that only you can offer.

So I invite you to take one small step towards visibility this week. It doesn't have to be dramatic, just one intentional move up the visibility ladder.

Maybe that sharing an idea in a meeting, posting something you've created, or simply telling someone about a dream you've been keeping to yourself. Notice how it feels, both the discomfort and the liberation that comes from being seen. Each step gets easier, I promise.

Here's a journal prompt I want you to take with you this week. If I were 10% more visible in my life and business, what might become possible? Sit with that question and let the answers guide your next step.

The invisibility tax is optional. You can choose, starting today to stop paying it. To step into the light of your own potential.

To let yourself be seen not for validation or approval, but for the joy of authentic self expression and the impact you were born to make. I'd love to hear what insights might have been sparked on this episode.

Take a screenshot or share them with me at Tagging me at Design your dream life today or or emailing me at hello at designyourdreamlifetoday. Com and let me know what visibility step you're committing to. Thanks for listening, my friends. It's been an awesome episode.

I hope to see you next week. And until next time, keep designing that dream life.