Episode: #13 Your Roadmap to Resilience: How to Build Confidence, Find Clarity, and Take Action

Kara discusses the importance of resilience and perspective in overcoming challenging life situations. She shares a personal story about navigating a difficult period in her real estate career, highlighting a pivotal moment when a shift in mindset helped her see potential in adversity. With her husband's support, she learns to reframe her situation and finds clarity and confidence to take action. Kara emphasizes that big dreams are built one small step at a time and encourages listeners to identify actionable steps to move closer to their goals. By reflecting on their current state and visualizing their dream life, listeners can begin to take meaningful actions that lead to personal growth and fulfillment.

Kara invites listeners into a deep discussion about resilience and the transformative power of perspective. She candidly shares her personal journey through a tumultuous period in her life when her real estate investments turned sour, leading her to face significant financial challenges. Through storytelling, Kara illustrates how her initial feelings of despair and fear evolved into empowerment and clarity. This shift was sparked by a conversation with her husband, who helped her see the situation not as a defeat but as an opportunity for a new beginning. This episode emphasizes that perspective is a powerful tool in overcoming adversity, teaching listeners that embracing change can lead to growth and renewed confidence.

As the episode unfolds, Kara provides actionable insights and exercises aimed at helping listeners identify their own areas of stuckness and unfulfillment. She outlines a structured approach to personal reflection, encouraging her audience to visualize their dream life and the steps needed to achieve it. By focusing on small, meaningful actions, listeners are reminded that progress is built incrementally. The episode concludes with a call to action, inspiring individuals to commit to their aspirations and celebrate their journey toward designing their dream life, reinforcing the idea that every step, no matter how small, contributes to a larger vision.

Takeaways:

• Resilience is a muscle that can be built through experience and perspective shifts.

• When facing challenges, it's crucial to focus on what truly matters in life.

• One meaningful action can significantly move you closer to your dream life.

• Perspective can transform feelings of despair into opportunities for new beginnings.

• Identifying actionable steps helps in overcoming feelings of being stuck or unfulfilled.

• Celebrating small wins fosters commitment and encourages further progress in personal development.

Transcript:

 Hey there, I'm Kara and welcome to design your dream life podcast, where we dive in and explore how you can use practical personal development to uplevel your life, whether you are looking to have better or deeper relationships, fix your problems with money, learn to love yourself unconditionally, leave a dead end or high stress career, or just want more happiness in your life.

My friend, you are in the right place. Are you ready?

 Hello, my friends, welcome to the design your dream life podcast. I'm your host, Kara. I am so happy you are here today. My friend today, we are going to talk about. Your resilience, building that muscle and how to build your confidence, find clarity and take action no matter what. And I'm telling you, I speak from experience.

I feel like I have a PhD in resiliency for the amount of times that I have failed, overcome things, and I keep just moving on and moving up. And I believe that anybody can do that. And I want to start this episode today by telling you one of those stories. So this was in the moment, I'm going to share with you the moment that I realized how powerful perspective was.

Or is. It wasn't. It's always, the power of perspective is just massive. So in the midst of our, I'm going to say, real estate shitstorm, we owned commercial real estates, we had apartment buildings, we had houses that we were renovating and flipping. It was the apartment buildings that became a nightmare.

And basically, we had some advice from a mentor of ours to walk away. Thank you. And that was so hard for me because I'm a fighter, I'm a passionate human and I had worked so hard to build this real estate company and I didn't want to, I didn't want to lose it. And he had said to me, he was like, you need to look at your two babies and you need to create an out plan for you.

And I was like, Oh my gosh, he's like, Kara, I'm telling you, this is not worth saving. You are chasing good money after bad. Trust me, from someone who's done it, like, You got to know when to fold your cards. And to this day that advice has stuck with me and we created a plan and we were, you know, not many people actually have done this.

The banks didn't even know how to respond because we hadn't missed a payment yet. We were, we were very close and we're like, hey, we want to give you the keys back. And they're like, um, we don't do that kind of thing. I'm like, buddy, I, I I'm not going to be paying my mortgage. Here are the keys. And it was so fascinating because they wouldn't take them.

And that's a whole nother story. Um, But in this story, this is the story of, we had relocated, found a new place for our family, it was a dive, we had moved from a 7, 000 square foot mansion with an indoor pool, sauna, beautiful, like, gorgeous neighborhood, into a small town, tiny house, I'm not going to say tiny house.

That's a lie. The house was still, it was a five bedroom house, but it was a small house compared to the massive mansion that we were leaving. I, I don't know. I think it was like 2000 square feet or something like it was five bedrooms, but this house, okay, there had only been one owner and they had never updated it.

So we had. Red velvet carpet, fluorescent lime green linoleum, a purple bathroom with purple tile and a purple toilet and another bathroom with pink, pink toilet. Like it was just, it was just like ugliness. Threw up all over this house. And so if you can imagine going from this luxurious house to walking into this house, I wish I could show you photos.

You would be like, holy shit. And what is really crazy, and I will talk about that maybe on the next episode, which is how to hold the vision when you're in a shit storm, but that is not and you know what, you guys, I'm going to write that down. So I don't. You know forget it how to hold your vision while you're in a shitstorm in a shitstorm and that I'm going to try and record right after this one so I don't forget because Kara has this magic power of forgetting I'll say things and then I'm like oh my gosh I completely forgot I said that but I'll try and record that episode right after this one because I think it is super powerful of that we're not going to talk about that today but we get into this house now we completely renovated that house but um, We're in this house and as you can imagine, if you are somebody who stopped paying your bills, it can be very scary.

The creditors are not very friendly to you and I'll tell you, picking up mail, walking to the mailbox was not one of my favorite things. I avoided it like the plague and uh, the one day I decided, okay, I'm going to go take the kids for a walk and we go to get the mail and there is a little thing I have to hand in and I had registered mail.

And I was like, Oh my goodness, what the hell is this now? And so I didn't want to open it. So I walked home and it just this pit in my stomach of just like, I knew you guys, this letter was going to be horrible. And I honestly wanted to avoid it, but I got home and I opened it. So I got home and I believe it was like lunchtime.

So I think I gave the kids lunch, put them for a nap and I went into my office because in this house I had an office as well. My husband and I shared a little office because at that time he would work a few days from home and then go into the office a few days. And so he was in the office and I opened this letter and it was very scary.

It was a mean letter saying that we owed, was it 200? 230, 000 or 200, and something thousand dollars, and we owed it by two days ago, like two days. This has already passed you. It was a very scary letter that if you do not pay, we are garnishing wages. We are coming after you, da, da, da, da. Like it was, and I was like, Oh my God, like I was so, and it was really crazy because I'll tell you later what my lawyer said.

He and his 20 something years at the time of being a real estate lawyer had never heard of a bank doing this. Now remember this is in 2008 2009, so this is when all the real estate crash was happening. I live right across from Detroit, Michigan. So our city was like blacklisted for commercial lending. So even though I had some equity in the property, I couldn't pull any equity out, like it was just really bad.

We had a chain of bad events happen and, um, Yeah i won't even go into all that story cuz i don't wanna make this super long but a whole bunch of bad shit happened and we had to walk away from the buildings so anyways i open this letter and i just start bawling like oh my gosh i pull myself together and.

I'm like, okay, pull myself together. I just remembered another story, but I'm not going to tell it here down to I feel like I'm gonna like, I'm dropping all of these things. I'm like, Oh, man, there's so many good stories. I can tell you guys have things to, you know, things that have happened that I've gotten over.

Um, but so I called my husband at work. And as soon as I went to like, open my mouth, like when they're like, Hello, da da da da. And I was like, Okay. And I had to like really pull it together and I'm like, is Sean there? And then she's like, yeah, just a moment, please. And so Sean says hello. And as soon as he said hello, I am a mess.

I am crying. He's like, Oh my gosh, what's wrong? What happened? What, you know? And I'm like, and you know, are the kids okay? Yeah. Like, is somebody hurt? No. You know, and he's calm down. And like, what is going on? And so I read him, I pull myself together and I read him this letter because I'm just like, life is over.

This is a love. And I was just in such a pit, like I was just, yeah, I wouldn't say a pit, I would say I was in a very state of despair. And I, I just remember feeling like, it's all over. Like we're done. And Sean stopped. And he said, Hey, babe, this is great. And I'm like, what? He's like, This is finally going to be coming to an end.

Like, why are you so sad? Why are you so upset? Like the things that matter the most to us, we have, we have our love, our marriage, we have wonderful, healthy children. Life is beautiful. Like, this is okay. Like, we're going to get through this. This is the beginning of the end. This is something that finally, maybe we can see a way out.

And I was like, Oh, And it completely shifted me and I remember after he's like, okay, you need to call our lawyer. You need to let him know. And I was like, okay, okay. And it empowered me. I found my confidence. I found that clarity that I needed to then take action to move to the next step. And so it was just that shift in perspective instead of staying in this victim mentality of this poor me and da da da.

It's like, wait a minute. This could actually be a good thing. And so I got it together. I called the lawyer and the lawyer was like, this is crazy. I have never seen anything like this. So what had happened is on one of our 20 unit apartment buildings, we had the corp, our corporation purchased it, but we also had to personally guarantee it for 200, like, so the building was worth like, 780,000 or something like that.

And we had to, I don't know, there was some difference of something and we had to personally guarantee 200 and something thousand and they had taken the building back and I'm like, this was what really pissed me off because this was the bank in which I offered to hand the keys and they refused and they went through this process and then obviously they handed off to lawyers who are very mean and nasty and come.

At you like just, you know, you're the worst human on the planet, even though we tried to do everything so above board and it was just like, it just felt like such a slap in the face. So normally when a bank takes back the property, they take back the property, they sell the property and then they come after you for the difference if there is a shortfall.

Here's what this bank decided to do, or their lawyer decided that they're going to do. They're going to hold the property because we are in, you know, a crisis. It's 2008. And we're not going to sell it, but we're going to come after you for the personal guarantee of 200 and whatever thousand. So my lawyer was like, this is insane, because how do we even, he's like, normally here's what happens, you know, they come back with a shortfall and we negotiate.

And then I cut you a deal. He's like, I can't cut you a deal. Cause I don't know what they've sold the building for. I don't know what's going to happen. Like, I, I, I can't negotiate because they haven't sold the building. They're, they're saying we're going to hold the building. And I was like, Oh my goodness.

Like, what the fuck are we going to do? And so they're like, okay, well then we're done. Like, this is bankruptcy time. Like. You know, first of all, they've, there are, we're already past due on the time and secondly, they're doing something completely stupid and we have no negotiation power. So I was like, okay, and so that was really the first step in going into bankruptcy and I do remember later on having that decision made that we are filing for bankruptcy and I remember we decided that we were going to tell both of our parents separately I remember being at my parents house and having Sunday dinner and saying like, Hey, so we just want to let you know, we've decided like, we're going bankrupt.

We're letting everything go. And, and I remember my dad just being like, Oh my God, like he just looks so heartbroken. And he was like, I am so sorry. Like, uh, you know, that, It's so devastating, you know, and he's like, you know what, dad, I was like, it's okay, I'm actually at a point where like, this is fine.

Like, I'm in my 20s. I created a multi million dollar business. I've lived a life already that so many people would dream of living. I've already conquered that. And so I know that I'm going to be okay. I'm going to figure this out. And I decided to choose that type of mindset of strength Instead of one of like, Oh my God, you're right, life is going to suck, I'm never going to get out of here, like, and I will tell you, like, listen, it's not like I turn this around in like a year, like it took me years, plural, to rebuild my confidence, to rebuild my skills, to decide what I wanted to do with my life, and, but it was, here's the thing, you guys, and here's why I honestly believe everything happens for a reason.

So I was in real estate and I had So in Canada, you're in it for 18 months, I believe it is. And because my husband was already the breadwinner and made so much money and the government says, you can only live on X amount. Like they tell you they garnish anything above that. So I couldn't make any money.

Right. So that was my opening to digital marketing where I was really starting to learn the skills. Like there wasn't that many books, but there was a book. Bunch of forums that had started and I remember the warrior form anyone who has been in digital marketing for a long time you're like oh yeah I know it the warrior forum oh my gosh.

This was such a great place where you could really get so much free knowledge and people were doing email marketing and just like it was insane they're just talking about all these different marketing strategies and all this you can make connections with friends and. All of the things and I fell into that world and I taught myself a lot of skills and that was if if none of this happened in real estate like I wouldn't be where I am today and today I honestly feel like I have way more freedom.

And I'm so happy. Like I'm exactly where I should be. And while I am going back into investment properties with real estate, it's a completely different mindset. It's a completely different experience. And also just the knowledge and the wisdom that I have had because of all of my experiences. But here's the thing is that you get to choose when you can build yourself back up.

And like I said, it's not necessarily the quickest thing. You know what I mean? Like you have to go through all of the things that you need to go through in order to start taking action. And so I wanted to give you an action journal exercise today, which is called the power of one step. And so the goal is to identify one meaningful action that's going to move you closer to your dream life and build confidence through reflection and intention, which I think is so powerful.

So the first step is to Is to reflect. See, I get so excited and then I start talking really fast and then I trip over my words. So I apologize. I probably do that more than I realize, but bear with me. So step one is to reflect on where you are. So we want you to ask yourself these questions. Number one, what's one area of your life right now where you feel stuck or unfulfilled?

So think about that. One area of your life where you feel stuck or unfulfilled. And number two, why does this area matter to me? And then number three, what is one small meaningful improvement I'd like to see here? So your journal prompt could be like, right now I feel stuck in blank because blank. I would feel more aligned and fulfilled if blank.

So you can go through that. And if you need to, again, to re listen to this again, please do so. And then step two is I want you to visualize your dream. I want you to close your eyes and imagine your dream life. I want you to focus on the feelings. And I want you to ask yourself, how does this version of me feel?

every day. And number two, what's one thing I'm doing differently in this dream life? What are you doing differently in that dream life? So a journal prompt for this could be, in my dream life, I feel blank because I am blank. One thing I would do to get closer to this life is blank. Fill that blank in. And then step three is to identify one actionable step.

So, I want you to choose one small step that you can take this week or next week that's going to move you closer to that vision. So it should feel doable but meaningful. All right, so examples, reach out to someone for advice or research a course or an opportunity or block 30 minutes for your passion project.

So your journal prompt could be something like, This week, I will blank because it will help me move closer to blank. I will do this by blank and in that blank, you're going to say a specific time and date. So put a deadline to it so that you're actually do it. And then step four is to celebrate and commit.

So I want you to write one way you're going to celebrate by completing this step. So then can commit to it by signing your name. So your journal prompt would be when I take this step, I will celebrate by blank. I commit to showing up for myself because I deserve to design my dream life. All right. Here's the thing, you guys, big dreams are built one small step at a time.

And the most important thing is that you just have to start no matter how small every step is progress. So this week, take your one step and watch what happens. I hope you've enjoyed this episode and I will see you on the next one.